Why More Women Are Quietly Rethinking Their Relationship with Alcohol

What if alcohol isn't the problem... but it's no longer helping? Paula Devine shares why more women are questioning old habits, embracing curiosity over judgment, and discovering more peace on the other side

What if alcohol isn't the problem... but it's no longer helping?

It's a question more women are quietly beginning to ask themselves… not because they've hit rock bottom, but because they're searching for better sleep, more energy, greater peace and a life that feels more aligned.

That question became the foundation of my conversation with Paula Devine, founder of Happiest Hour and a certified sobriety coach, who helps women explore their relationship with alcohol without judgment.

"We've been so conditioned to think that we need that glass of wine to unwind, to relax, to decompress," Paula said. "We just believe that's what we need to do. It starts to affect our sleep, our hormones, how we're showing up in the morning... So it becomes a question of: How is this really affecting me? Do I really need this? How do I relax without this?"

Paula's work focuses on what she calls ‘gray-area drinking’—the space between having no concerns about alcohol and experiencing a full-blown addiction.

"Nothing really bad is happening," she explained. "I didn't go to jail. I didn't lose my kids. I didn't crash my car. So it kept me really stuck in that gray area... what I actually call the miserable middle place."

It's a place many women recognize. They're succeeding professionally, raising families and checking all the boxes, yet quietly wondering why they don't feel like themselves.

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered around what Paula calls ‘mommy wine culture.’

"Somewhere along the way, wine became part of that motherhood uniform," she said. "It was the memes and the wine o'clock and the motherhood jokes."

Looking back, Paula says she has compassion, not judgment, for the woman she once was.

"There is no judgment at all," she said. "I just look back at what it was really doing to me and how it was showing up."

She also believes the conversation can't happen without acknowledging women's health.

"We can't talk about this without addressing our hormones and what it is doing to us hormonally," she said. "Women are really, really struggling... Change is possible. There is so much more life on the other side. Every aspect of my life got better when I quit drinking."

One message Paula hopes listeners take away is that they don't have to wait for a crisis before making a change.

When I asked what someone should do if they're quietly wondering whether alcohol is still serving them, her answer was simple.

"Tell someone," she said. "Be honest. Tell someone, 'I don't want to do this anymore.' It's not even so much what the other person is going to say. It's that you heard yourself say it out loud."

She also encourages women to slow down, become aware of their habits and remember that choosing not to drink doesn't mean giving up connection or celebration.

"I'm big on mocktails, especially in early sobriety," she said. "Just having something in your hand... There are so many out there right now that are phenomenal."

And if there was one final message she wanted to leave with listeners, it was this:

"We've been sold a lie... that this is what we need to have fun, connect with others and relax. There is so much more clarity and freedom and good health on the other side of thinking you need that drink."

Whether you enjoy an occasional glass of wine, are sober curious or simply want to better understand someone you love, this conversation isn't about judgment. It's about asking thoughtful questions, listening to your body and recognizing that meaningful change often begins with curiosity.

Listen to my full conversation with Paula Devine on Episode 101 of The Paige Kornblue Show. Learn more about Happiest Hour at HappiestHourAF.com, and subscribe to my monthly newsletter at PaigeKornblue.com for more conversations that help us all hold tight to the good and walk a little lighter.